No Matter What - A Script By Nick Lane

[ConspiracyPenguin]

http://www.isarapix.org/pix74/1218583932.jpg


SYNOPSIS: Justin may have made a fatal error so, in order to justify the possibility,
he strikes up a discussion about fate and destiny. But Daniel, consumed by his faith,
will have none of it. Is it too late to stop what's coming? Was it going to happen...no matter what?

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Getting around to this a little late. I actually wrote it right when the fest began but then I put it aside and got so consumed by TwilightFest and other things, I forgot about the nearing deadline. I noticed some discussion ensue and realized I had better read through it once more. Well, I forgot to and hastily uploaded it, thinking I was almost out of time. Then it turned out I had another day, so I read through it, changed a few things and uploaded again. :)

Bets of luck everyone, let the games begin...

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Alright guys, bring on the critiques. I am ready for it...:)

[Nektonic]

POSSIBLE SPOILERS BELOW


Good job man. Interesting scenario. I liked that you kept the location a mystery until later. The narrative flow moved at a good pace and kept my interest. I liked the two primary characters and their conflict (Man vs God and God vs Science). There were some large blocks of description that could have been broken up some but I'm not counting it against you. I did the same in my script due to the 6 page limit making it hard to space some parts out. Also, you used parentheticals a few times and they were capitalized. As far as I know, and I may be wrong, but I thought parentheticals were supposed to be lower case. Otherwise you had the formatting and technical stuff all in proper order as far as I could tell.

If you wanted to lengthen this script after the fest, one thing that I think might be interesting is to actually see Justin working on the computer and screwing things up instead of just hearing him talk about it. Again, probably not enough room in 6 pages but an idea for a future draft.

Keep up the good work Penguin.

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Thank you Nektonic for the kind review. I like to respond to things in people's reviews but I don't want you to think I am arguing or trying to defend my script, I love honest critique and I just like to give my thoughts on comments. :)

There were some issues because of the page limit; hence the large action blocks. As far as the format, I don't always follow "proper format" to a "T." For example, I capitalize all character names for personal reasons. As for the parentheticals that could have been an oversight on my part so thank you for pointing it out.

I do plan on turning this into a longer piece, hopefully a feature, so thank you for your thoughts on that. I appreciate the critique, keep them coming! :)

PS: As soon as I get a chance I am going to go through and read and comment on all of them. Also, Alex Whitmer, I am looking forward to your review. They are always so helpful.

[Noel Evans]

Hi Nick, just went through twice. First was just a read to let it flow so to speak, second was to catch whatever I missed.

I noticed on the title page it says excerpt, so that answers some things.

I liked the characters, they all felt clearly defined. The writing was pretty solid, a few small foibles / typos that were easy to ignore when reading.

With all the good things in there, I really didnt see any character progression. They seemed to just be as they were and at the end the same but facing the reality of a mistake, which in itself was important to show, but it didnt move Justin forward as I would have liked. That would be my biggest criticism.

A solid piece though.

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Thanks, Noel! That is definitely true about the characters and I had not really noticed it before since in the feature cut I plan on finishing more development would obviously take place. If you would like to read it when its done I will throw it your way.

I appreciate the comments! :)

[RodThompson]

(THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS)


Nick,

I just finished reading "No Matter What," and while the story flowed well, ad brought up some good "Matrix-like" philosophy, the overall premise seemed to get lost in an almost comedic subtext.

KEY NOTES ON THE STORY:

The opening scene paints the picture of something serious, the fate of something big, in comparison to the glass. A great analogy of destiny! But the moment Chloe enters the lounge in a space suit, I found myself drawn from this serious conversation and found myself bordering on remembering high school theatre class when we were learning about Theater of the Absurd, where commonplace things out of context can seem...well, absurd. From this point on, the I was really drawn out of the story as more and more of the exposition unfolded.

THE WRITING:

While your writing style is on point, the flowery paragraphs of description are really unneeded and in most cases frowned upon. Granted, the format argument is as old as "How many brads?" but the art of screenwriting is to paint as a broad picture using as few words as possible, relying mostly on dialogue to dictate the scene and circumstance. Many things, such as the clothing someone is wearing, can normally be a vague description to accomodate the setting.

Also, I noticed that in the action lines, you capitalized character names every time they were used. The professional format for this is to capitalize the name upon introduction, then simply revert to normal phonics after that. To someone who reads a lot of scripts, everytime I see a capitalized character, I think, "Oh, a new character." So the first few pages I kept telling myself this is the same guy.

The dialogue was crisp and tight, and overall, I enjoyed the conversationalism involved. "You got the moves...I'll give ya that!" My only recommendation would be to read scripts...a lot of them. Find your favorite movies and read them first, then whenever you're working a project, read a few scripts in the same genre. To this day, I'd still be lost without other people's work. :)

Have a good one!

Rod

[seansshack]

Good read. Bit too much description for me. Could do with some trimming down, for this "vertical obsessed" world.

But overall interesting story with quite a lot of dept for such a short running time.

Good luck with it.

[MiataFilmSomething]

Just read this one. Good flow of dialog, and great potential for visuals.

A few things I found a little off were the immediate beginnings of the deep conversation about fate vs. destiny. It just seemed strange to start off a conversation like that. Usually it builds up to questions like that, but for the time constraint I can see why it would have to start right away.

I'd also like to see more of the script devoted to the aftermath of the realization of what is going to happen. Reflections and observations, etc.

Better yet, I'd like to see them make some kind of effort to stop it. There's got to be some kind of emergency shut off or kill switch. Seems like a command of that magnitude would require more security measures behind it. But, that's probably just my job affecting my brain.

Great visuals, and naturally flowing dialog. I like the idea of a regular looking rooom opening up to reveal that it's part of something sci fi.

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Thanks guys for the insightful feedback.

Rod, I apologize that the capitalizations was annoying. I don't know if I mentioned this before but I have obsessive compulsive disorder and things have to be even. If I capitalize the name one time but not the rest, I would go insane (or perhaps just MORE insane than I already am :grin:) Also, as far as going from the lounge to the control room: sci-fi is NOT my genre and this was actually my first attempt at it. I guess I wanted to keep the audience in the dark until Chloe enters and then BAM! The whole story changes in a way. Some things don't work for everyone.

Miata, the reason for the jump into serious conversation was due to the time constraint. As far as the aftermath, this script is only an excerpt from a larger script I am working on. Thanks for your comments, I will take them into consideration when writing the feature.

Regarding the descriptions, which was mentioned by a few of you, I know this is one of my biggest problems. I can do the limited description but my background is that of a story/book writer and sometimes I let that seep over into my scripts. Thanks for letting me know that you find it to be too much, I will remember that when writing.

:) Thanks! I really appreciate it. Oh, and please don't think I am trying to be argumentative with my responses. I just like to give my point of view on issues, I do take EVERYTHING into consideration.

[RodThompson]

Thanks guys for the insightful feedback.

Rod, I apologize that the capitalizations was annoying. I don't know if I mentioned this before but I have obsessive compulsive disorder and things have to be even. If I capitalize the name one time but not the rest, I would go insane (or perhaps just MORE insane than I already am :grin:) Also, as far as going from the lounge to the control room: sci-fi is NOT my genre and this was actually my first attempt at it. I guess I wanted to keep the audience in the dark until Chloe enters and then BAM! The whole story changes in a way. Some things don't work for everyone.



Whoa whoa whoa...DO NOT...apologize...ever. And not because it's a sign of weakness (I don't think it is) but because this is YOUR story. Everyone will have their picks and pans about it, but you told it the way you wanted to tell it, from the mind that belongs to you. The formatting errors go away with time. I too am OCD about things, once I'm in a pattern or routine of doing them, thus the reason I was drawn out. And like I said, the story is your story...rock it how you see fit! :):):)

[Larry Rutledge]

I'm afraid you're going to have to retrain your mental pattern of "normal" in terms of character formatting. There is a reason behind each of the format guidelines, they aren't just arbitrary rules.

In terms of the character formatting, the reason you capitalize the name only the first time and never again in the script is due to the fact that during production a script is not processed linearly. It is shot out of sequence and so by following the standard you know at a glance if this is the first time we see a character, or if we've seen him/her before in which case we have continunity issues to deal with.

It may seem like a little thing, but if you want to be a successful writer it pays to follow the expected rules. :)

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Whoa whoa whoa...DO NOT...apologize...ever. And not because it's a sign of weakness (I don't think it is) but because this is YOUR story. Everyone will have their picks and pans about it, but you told it the way you wanted to tell it, from the mind that belongs to you. The formatting errors go away with time. I too am OCD about things, once I'm in a pattern or routine of doing them, thus the reason I was drawn out. And like I said, the story is your story...rock it how you see fit! :):):)

This is absolutely true, but I like to address everyone's comments. I do know that certain things work for some people but not others. In the end, it is what works for me that matters. But I still like the feedback. :)

Larry, thank you for shining light on that issue. I had never heard a reasonable objection to that before so I continued to do it. Now that I know, I can (reluctantly) adjust. :grin:

[pauly_the_hitman]

Being that this is an Excerpt it works for me. I enjoyed reading it but would also like to see all of the characters go somewhere and develop more. I don't know seemed like too much responsibility for such young characters to be burdened with. Maybe just one old guys opinion. But overall I did like it.
Pauly

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Thanks Pauly. That is a good point, but the overall premise is that these are people working on a new branch of NASA. They are young, smart and fit but I do see your point. Let me just put it this way, though: I would imagine there are older people on board as well. But you will just have to wait until the feature to find out. :thumbsup:

[conlanforever]

I liked some of the dialgoue between Justin and Daniel about destiny. You can write, though sometimes its a little too descriptive for a script.
I like the scenario you've created and the conflict between the two men.

In the end Justin and Chloe seem a little too nonchalant (especially Chloe about whats happened.


CHLOE

DANIEL, never mind. It isn’t that
big of a deal anyway...


We just accidently blew up an inhabitated planet, no big whoop, lets get a beer.
I realize it's too late to help the people, but I would've felt more for her character if she would've shown some compassion. Maybe she was in denial.

Daniel seems like the only sane person at the end even though he is freaking out. His reaction is realistic.

You had some nice visuals throughout the story and at the end. You have some good writing skills. Thanks for putting this story out there.

[Brandon Rice]

Hey Nick... just read your script, really enjoyed it... prompts some interesting thoughts and questions into what the characters truly believe.

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Thanks guys. Conlan, good points. Regarding the nonchalant behavior, I may not have been clear enough in the script. Chloe was not acting as if it didn't happen but was trying to down play it so as not to freak Daniel out. Believe me, she was quite upset. I have already addressed the descriptiveness. :)

Brandon,I appreciate it. I will let you know when I get the full length one finished up.

[MrKilloran]

Well written, nice job creating the scene I could definitely visualize a lot of what you had going on. You have an excellent use for descriptive language. The glass foreshadowing was a good way to go and walls opening to a secret control room is always a nice touch... nothing to really criticize that hasn't already been, I just want to go deeper into these character's thoughts and motivations, oh and does the explosion of mars have any effect on the earth ... not just emotionally for people but physically, will Mars be raining down, causing mass destruction?

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Nice work! I thought it could have used more in the end as posted above mine.
The motivation to me was also lacking a bit, maybe a little less description and a little more character development.

Good stuff though overall. Intriguing story.

Cheers,

Mike

[Captain Pierce]

I don't want to spend too much time rehashing what have already said, but I do want to back up whoever it was that said that the abrupt introdution of Chloe in her space suit is one hell of a shock. I do like the idea of a space station (or spaceship) that doesn't immediately look like every other space station (or spaceship) we've ever seen, but I wonder if there's a way to ease the audience into the idea a little more.

A very minor quibble in your description at the beginning: do pianos have "helms?" :) (And if they do, shouldn't it be Mr. Sulu sitting there? :D )

More seriously, though, and with a SPOILER WARNING just in case anybody is getting through these as slowly as me: I can't quite wrap my head around the thought of the entire planet Mars exploding at all, let alone as a mistake. I'm familiar with the idea of terraforming Mars by burying fusion reactors at the poles to both melt the ice, release more oxygen into the atmosphere from the ice, and raise the overall temperature--but even something like that would be well short of what was needed to blow up the whole planet. Not only that, but there would be no reason to wire a "self-destruct" sequence into something like this; and even if there was, it should presumably take more than one computer command to engage it. At the very least, I'd want two voiceprint-confirmed command codes and maybe even more. Maybe some of this comes out in the feature version, but I really felt the lack of it here.

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Captain, first off, regarding the use of the word helm:


steering mechanism for a vessel; a mechanical device by which a vessel is steered


Maybe a bit of a stretch but, as a piano player, I feel that pressing the keys could be considered "steering." Creative freedom on my part, I suppose. :)


Regarding the issue of the explosion and the events leading up to/causing it. I don't really see this as a big issue. I mean I know everyone has their own thoughts, and I respect that, I just have to disagree. There are several possible situations that could have caused this even with the high end security. That being said, I can assure you I take every comment seriously when I pick up the script and add more to it. Your comments do aid me in writing the feature version, so thank you.

Mr. Killoran, we'll see. :thumbsup:

Mike, thanks!

[Captain Pierce]

Oh, I knew what you meant by helm, I just needed to bust you up about it. :D

And I respect your disagreement with me on the explosion. Like I say, this may just be something that doesn't translate well into the 6-page version (or it's just something that I'm missing). Regardless of that, I could still understand the mood you were going for and enjoy the script on that level. :)

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Oh, I knew what you meant by helm, I just needed to bust you up about it. :D

And I respect your disagreement with me on the explosion. Like I say, this may just be something that doesn't translate well into the 6-page version (or it's just something that I'm missing). Regardless of that, I could still understand the mood you were going for and enjoy the script on that level. :)

Yeah. As I am sure you noticed, this is marked "EXCERPT" because it is only a small, abridged version of a feature I am working on. Things will flow better in the longer version. :)

[jamiejay]

Interesting concept.

I do wish there was more about Mars being blown up and less about the philosophy. I love a good philosophical discussion, but it did seem a little out of place considering the disaster he had just caused. Also, it seems that blowing up an entire planet wouldn't be something that could be accomplished accidentally. Just a thought.

You definitely have a knack for metaphorical description. I agree it is a little too much for a script, but I can tell you are a writer. :)

[alex whitmer]

It was frustrating knowing this was part of an excerpt. Which part? Beginning, middle, or end? Arg.

You really need to cut all the flowery novel-speak from your scripts. It only makes it difficult for crew and actors to find their pertinent information.

This for example ...


Shadows dance with each other from wall to wall as the light
from several candles in the room changes its chosen path.
The quaint sound of a piano can be heard. The room is very
dim, but the main points can still be made out. There is a
large wall of book shelves which houses hundreds of dusty,
untouched volumes. On another wall is a large window, hiding
from the dark room behind a set of thick, demanding
curtains.


Finally, there is a piano. Silky, smooth and black, it is
the focal point of the room. At its helm sits DANIEL, a tall
young man in his early thirties with mid-length dark hair
lazily tasseled about. He wears a dark gray t-shirt and
jeans and is lost in his own parallel universe while
creating an audible masterpiece in this one. DANIEL is so
far gone that he does not even notice when JUSTIN walks into
the room.

... is 160 words if you include the slug. This ...

INT. LOUNGE - NIGHT

Dim. Candles flicker. Shadows dance on the surrounding walls, sporadically illuminate shelves stacked with dusty books. Thick drapes cover the only window.

A piano plays.

The flickering light reveals a silky black finish. DANIEL, early 30s, tousled hair, commands the keys. He is in his own world.

JUSTIN, early 30s, walks in. Daniel doesn’t look up.


... is 60 words to set up the same scene, a savings of 100 words.

And just to be picky, a LOUNGE is often associated with bars, or some kind of a waiting/chill room in airports, schools, copororate buildings, and hospitals. Occassionally it referres to a living room - but rarely. I kept reading this thinking this was happening a public place, but the dusty bookshelves didn't fit somehow. Maybe you mean parlor? Did I miss something? I see there is a bar in the room, but things are incongruous.

Numerous typos.

Anyways, interesting concept. Fun read. I'd like to see where it goes.

alex

[ConspiracyPenguin]

Jamie, I've been through this before so don't hate me for not responding more than this. Thanks for the read and comments!:

Alex, I was waiting for you to stop in. Thank you for doing so. I don't know if it would be fair to reveal which part this is from but I will say this: I am considering dropping the space part of the story line and basing this on Earth keeping the philosophy stuff, as I feel that is the strongest part. The space part was added because it had to be sci-fi which is NOT my genre and I hated putting it in there which is why I waited until the end to do so.

I know you are not a fan of the long descriptions. When I write scripts for other people I leave them out but when I write just to write I fall victim to my desire to be descriptive. It was not a public place, I guess Parlor would work better, sorry for the confusion. Oh, and I was very dismayed yesterday when I found those typos you refereed to. I was doing a read through with a writer's group I am in and I noticed them. Strange how you can skip right over them on the computer but look at it in print and you see them all. Hmmm...sorry about that too, although I don't think that is any reason to mark anyone down, unless it is heavily laden with them.

Thanks!