"Canada"

[pmark23]

The American government has all but collapsed. The economy is non existent. NATO troops mass along the Canadian and Mexican borders. Chaos and violence reigns. A near tragedy forces a father to decide what's best for his family.

[Judgement]

sounds like my type of script!

[conlanforever]

I like the setup, looking forward to seeing how it plays out.

[pmark23]

It was fun to write. I've always had an idea for an Americanized "Mad Max", so wrote a scene for it.

When toying with the idea of shooting this, I was thinking of painting-up a Ford Focus in MFP colours, and show it sitting in the driveway to tease the audience. They can't drive it because the police can't afford gas!

[Noel Evans]

Just finished reading. Well written and well thought out. All the set ups were good, and I really got the feel. I felt like this was more of an excerpt from a larger story as there wasnt really a character journey as such, more like, again an excerpt from one. Which, now when I look at your comment above makes total sense.

[MrKilloran]

"always have ammo, lots of ammo!" haha awesome... Even as a small part this script had a good deal of tension and you really got that mixed feel of desperation and fear, I was hooked and lookin for more.

[Captain Pierce]

I find it depressing that I can all too easily picture exactly how this exact scenario could come about... but I commend you for making it all too easy with the picture you've painted in the script. :)

The only thing I didn't get was why the son at the end was so eager to go to Canada if they were the enemy. (Insert a rousing chorus of "Blame Canada" from South Park here. :D )

With regards to the "always have ammo, lots of ammo" line, I'm reminded of a book I read many years ago where the author, in discussing a guy who went out to hunt a man-eating tiger in India with only three rounds, said something to the effect of "I don't even go to Sunday School without fifty rounds and a pocket full of hand grenades."

[pmark23]

Thanks for your comments.

I mentioned previously that this was "a scene from a movie". That's not completely true -- this is a stand-alone short. However I wanted to mimic the feel in "Mad Max" where Max is at home with his wife and kid where things are more-or-less normal, but they're both under stress because of what's happening to the world around them.

With the abrupt "Let's go to Canada" ending, I want to suggest that this is something that everyone is thinking (and likely a lot of people they knew have done), but the father is a die-hard patriot and can't stomach the fact that things have gotten so bad. However the stress of thinking he lost the rest of his kids pushed him over the edge so that even he too is willing to reconsider.

I was able use of lots of great images to put the story across in just a few pages. For example turning the lawn into a vegetable garden, the communal guard-tower over the subdivision, the teen-age girl carrying a rifle to school, the preschooler wearing a bullet-proof vest and armoured helmet (too large him), smoke in the distance seen through binoculars, etc., etc. I can't wait to see this filmed.

[conlanforever]

I like the your idea of creating this sort of world, where everything is going to hell and its at our doorstep.

I was also a little baffled by the kid's wanting to go to Canada, when we're talking about nuking it. But I read you've replied to that.
Considering that the Dad is gung ho about making sure everyone is armed, they seem very careless about taking care of their weapons and body armor.

You did create a lot of good images to show the kind of conditions they were living in, guard tower, garden etc. Good job with the visuals.

[mjjason]

I liked the overall feel of the story. You definitely nailed that down. The chaos at our doorsteps angle made it a easy read and I could instantly grasp the plight of the father and his family. The scenes you chose perfectly emphasized the nature of their world.

Although I would echo that this felt like a part of a larger story. It definitely stands on its own if you are exploring the emotional aspect of the scene but it also needs a larger script if the reader wants to understand more of what's going on in the world.

Great script overall with some strong dialog.

[MiataFilmSomething]

I'm in the opinion of most of the previous things that have been posted, so I don't have a lot of new stuff to add.

It's an awesome setup, but didn't really seem to go anywhere. I got a little bit of "Jericho" flashbacks while reading it. The mood and the feel are great. You've created a new world, and now it's time to have your characters play in it. I think that's why people are saying that it seems like a part of something larger.

Continue the film and have it be about the family's journey to make it to Canada; all the hardships and challenges they face along the way, people they meet, morals they question themselves with, etc. and you've got one great thought provoking movie.

Believing what I believe makes me a fan of the post-apocalyptic genre. Children Of Men was breathtaking, and I have an idea for a movie in this genre as well. It's all about the mood and feel, and you did a good job.

[Judgement]

A very good read!
It reminded me of my old primary school days in Miss Cooper class room- with the body armors -guns and amno.

[STYLZ]

Nice opening. Dialog seemed natural throughout. Solid story. All made sense, no holes really. I wanted to know more. What's so great about Canada? I chuckled at the Chinese generator comment. Good Job.

[krestofre]

I think the radio announcers at the beginning put your script on the wrong foot. I thought that bit was intended to set Canada up as the enemy and the invading force, so when everyone wants to go to Canada I was like, "Huh?"

Your definintely capture the Mad Max feel, and paint a very strong concept. I'd like to see the fleshed out into a full script.

[Captain Pierce]

Yeah, krestofre puts what I was getting at much better than I did. :) The dichotomy between the announcers at the beginning and then--not necessarily the family's desire to go to Canada, but the father's agreeing at the end since he's the one listening to the radio guys and pushing the others farther into the "survivalist" mentality (while they don't really seem to care) is the odd thing.

But other than that, and I don't think I said enough about this in my first post, I really do think that you did a great job of creating the world with those little details that you mentioned.

[pmark23]

Thanks everyone!

I think the radio announcers at the beginning put your script on the wrong foot. I thought that bit was intended to set Canada up as the enemy and the invading force, so when everyone wants to go to Canada I was like, "Huh?"

Exactly. The point is that the commentators (think "Fox News") make Canada sound so bad, but obviously the family isn't afraid to go -- it's propaganda, and they all know it's BS. Even the father knows although he really doesn't want to believe it. It probably could have been written better to be made more clear.


Check out my other script, MKULTRA!

[seansshack]

Fun story. Liked the opening with the commentators. But would shorten their chatter, seemed to fun on too long. The start was set-up very well, but made me think the story was going into a different direction.

But had me gripped from the first page. Good job and good luck with it.

[Horncastle]

Great script! I really enjoyed it.

Exactly. The point is that the commentators (think "Fox News") make Canada sound so bad, but obviously the family isn't afraid to go -- it's propaganda, and they all know it's BS. Even the father knows although he really doesn't want to believe it. It probably could have been written better to be made more clear.

I thought this was pretty clear actually. You even start off with:"A RADIO PLAYS. An inflammatory talk-radio show."

Continue the film and have it be about the family's journey to make it to Canada; all the hardships and challenges they face along the way, people they meet, morals they question themselves with, etc. and you've got one great thought provoking movie.

I agree with Miata, you a have a good basis for a feature length script.
Jason

[pauly_the_hitman]

What more can I say. I really enjoyed it and would also like to see as a feature or longer short.
Pauly

[pmark23]

Thanks for your kind words. The original notes were for a feature, and now I'm getting some motivation to write it!

[thartley]

I was confused as to why the kids wanted to go to Canada and I feel I shouldn't have been confused on this point. Good idea, I liked the dialog a lot. Things didnt have to be fed to me, but I just think the way Canada was being portrayed was alittle confusing. Is it a haven and sanctuary or is Canada at war? And if so, with whom? Good read overall.

[alex whitmer]

This on page 2 ...

Time has changed

Shouldn't that be 'times have changed'

This on page 4 ...

What if this those are bandits?

What?

Story

Lot of trouble following what exactly was happening. My take is this ...

The radio sets up that somebody, probably Americans, are expressing their distaste for Canada, while at the very same time violence has completely annihilated up any vestige of freedom in the US.

Yet, national pride blinds them to the fact the country to the north actually has what American claims it has. Father finally comes around to realizing maybe it's time to bail.

Did I get it? If so, certainly plausible.

alex

[agalla1]

maybe you already explained this...so sorry if I am repeating another question or observation...but I am confused w/ the concept of the dad wanting to move to Canada at the end when the beginning was set up to insinuate that we were sort of at war w/ Canada or invading Canada...I read a few of the posts and responses but I am still unsure of the ending and how it relates to the beginning feel of the story. Overall I think it was great dialogue and it was a fun read! ;-)

[pmark23]

Propaganda. All they hear is how terrible Canada is but don't believe it. Even the father, who WANTS to believe it, doesn't, and instead does what's best for his family -- which is how he grows as a character.

[Nektonic]

Great job overall. No real problems or complaints. A bit heavy on the dialogue and less action than I originally expected, but it works. If anything this makes your script one of the more character driven in the fest. I think the near future semi-apocalyptic world you created was interesting from the little bit of it that we get to see. Characters of Robert and Debbie were well developed. The whole thing about them growing their own food and having to be armed whenever going outside seems eerily prescient with all the mounting problems of today’s world. Who knows, this could be what life is like ten or fifteen years from now if everything goes down the toilet. I would like to see more of this world and the impending war with Canada.