"Admonition" - Dead End Films

[Wraith]

http://deadendfilms.net/images/admon_poster.jpg

[Wraith]

This is our first entry in a dvxuser fest.

[Matt Sconce]

Congratulations. You are in for a fun ride. Good to have you here!

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Fantastic! Can you tell us anything about it? Maybe post some grabs...

Cheers,

Mike

[Dustin R. Rogan]

woot! fresh blood!

I mean...Welcome!

I would like to see some grabs too!

Good Luck,
Rogan

[Mark Johnson]

This is our first entry in a dvxuser fest and I'm going to go out on a limb and promise that we will win at least one of the top three places. Frankly, after seeing the quality of films that Rogan has made, well, let's just say we are very encouraged.

WOW! People are really stepping up the talk around here! Good luck.

[Horncastle]

We Europeans are safe - looks like war in the US too!!

Good luck with the film!!

[conrad_johnson]

WOW! People are really stepping up the talk around here! Good luck.

Wow, was that serious? (Not you mark, the wraith guy. I don't know how to quote a quote that is no longer there.)

I hope they deliver...:Drogar-SunGlass(DBG

[Matt Sconce]

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wraith http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/images/buttons/viewpost.gif (http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?p=1308896#post1308896)
This is our first entry in a dvxuser fest and I'm going to go out on a limb and promise that we will win at least one of the top three places.



Oh...it's done been broughten! http://www.myemoticons.com/emoticons/images/msn/bad-boys/mallet.gif

[Horncastle]

Wow, was that serious? (Not you mark, the wraith guy. I don't know how to quote a quote that is no longer there.)

I hope they deliver...:Drogar-SunGlass(DBG


I think Mark knows how to quote a quote that was never there!! :)

[Mark Johnson]

I think Mark is the smartest, most intelligent and devilishly handsome man on the forum. No wonder all the hot babes flock to Fat Monster.

Wow, I'm blushing. Thanks for the appreciation.

[conrad_johnson]

Oh wow, I didn't realize you could do that. I'm internet dumb.

[Matt Sconce]

Wow, I'm blushing. Thanks for the appreciation, but have you seen Matt Sconce? If I am the DUDE...he is the UBEREST!


hehe Thanks Mark! You shouldn't have ...really:engel017:......sorry, back to Admonition. When did you guys start production and how long did it take to make?

[Wraith]

"Admonition" was written sometime in April and was filmed over two consecutive weekends in May. Post production went pretty smooth (bought a new iMac for it!) and the music was a lot of fun to write for it, even though we didn't use most of it since it's a 5 minute film.
We're just a small group of guys from New York getting started into the film scene really. We've been filming silly things now and then since 2003 but this is really the first time we've taken something to the next level. It really was a huge learning curve for us since most of the stuff we did in the past was off the wall, ridiculous comedy (You can check out our website to see what I mean - http://www.deadendfilms.net) So shooting a serious drama was a little difficult for us I think. We used the DVX-100B with a shotgun mic. The audio was the biggest drawback I think in the production - although the lighting wasn't exactly great either. Like I said, big learning experience.
As for the story you'll just have to wait and see! Maybe I'll post some screenshots later this week. Thank you all so much for the good wishes, I really look forward to hearing criticisms of the film - good and bad.

[Matt Sconce]

"Admonition" was written sometime in April and was filmed over two consecutive weekends in May. Post production went pretty smooth (bought a new iMac for it!) and the music was a lot of fun to write for it, even though we didn't use most of it since it's a 5 minute film.
We're just a small group of guys from New York getting started into the film scene really. We've been filming silly things now and then since 2003 but this is really the first time we've taken something to the next level. It really was a huge learning curve for us since most of the stuff we did in the past was off the wall, ridiculous comedy (You can check out our website to see what I mean - http://www.deadendfilms.net) So shooting a serious drama was a little difficult for us I think. We used the DVX-100B with a shotgun mic. The audio was the biggest drawback I think in the production - although the lighting wasn't exactly great either. Like I said, big learning experience.
As for the story you'll just have to wait and see! Maybe I'll post some screenshots later this week. Thank you all so much for the good wishes, I really look forward to hearing criticisms of the film - good and bad.


sounds great! Look forward to seeing what you guy came up with!:2vrolijk_08:

[kurtmo]

Welcome aboard! It's always fun to see new folk on the block.

[Drew Ott]

Cool short.

Pretty simple idea executed well. It leaves me wanting to see what happens the following morning, so that's a good thing I suppose.

Compression hurt it some, but I got used to it after a while.

[Mattykins]

And rolling...and reviewing...

First note: Compression killed it. Hard to tell details. I would like to see a better compressed version to make a better review.

I think you cut off the end of a sentence at around :40...

Interesting idea in regards to time. I don't really understand how that is supposed to work. Maybe I just can't wrap my head around the idea. Mind you, that is only the technical end of the premise.

I love how all of these tech end of things tend to go terribly wrong. I didn't get the end so much. I think I might understand, no idea though.

Well done, like I said, compression was the big issue.

[Wraith]

The compression - I know... I've never really had the experience of compressing my stuff down so low, and of course I procrastinated so after about 7 attempts of exporting, that was actually the best. The 100MB version looks a lot better..

The sentence at :40 - that was intentional. Mark is supposed to be interrupting Brian, but the shots didn't come out good enough to make it a smooth transition

The technical stuff - This is where my inexperience killed me. I wrote this as a short story first that (I feel) came out very well. It explained the idea behind the technology in a pretty well detailed, in-depth manner. However when I made the transition from short story to screenplay, it was almost all lost. Something I need to work on.

In regards to time - I don't think we utilized the whole "time theme" the way it was intended, and I actually worried a bit about whether it would be accepted, mainly because the clock on the computer screen really holds no relevance to the story (other than the time of day).


Thanks for the criticism - it really is appreciated, as this is our first "real" publicly viewed film.

[Mobie540]

First, the guitar didn't flow well but I'll let it slide. Your cuts were really distracting. For example, you have one character by himself and in almost the same frame you'd cut to both characters. At times, it seemed like two talking heads on screen just yapping, a wee bit too much exposition.

SPOILERS:

However, I really enjoyed your story and love its potential. You can make Admonition part 2. The guy has until tomorrow morning to find out how he dies, will he die now that he knows? How does he stop it? Is if fate for him to die? etc.

Edit:

Now that I think about it you should've gone straight to the girlfriend/death phone call and show what happens in the next 12-18 hours.

[ZazaCast]

Good story...although I don't understand the technology (as you said, it's explained in your short story). Nice job!

Spoilers---------
Compression killed the video star.
Wasn't diggin' the guitar (way too loud & out of tune)
Acting a little weak

[Wraith]

The guitar in the beginning? in the end? Both?
I'll agree the guitar in the beginning doesn't exactly fit. I was 50/50 about it and decided to just go for it (mainly because I really dig the song) Now that I think about it I probably should have left it out. In the end however I really like it.

[Bryce A]

I liked the phone idea. The rest was a bit rough, but you know that. The thing I dig about this fest is it seems like it’s really picking people’s brains. I think this idea could have really taken off. Gotta work on some compression issues (though don’t ask me). Keep at it!

[wesley]

liked the concept and story of this but like previous posts I agree that technically it was too rough to really get into it.

but keep at it, you got good ideas :D

[sfoster]

SPOILER



When the loop started, I was at first thinking my computer glitched, then it did it again and I started laughing! The moral of the story is DON'T play with the space time continuum AND don't guess when it comes to your life! Loved it. So far one of the top films for story!

[Zak Forsman]

i have to be honest. i appreciate the time you put into this but I lost faith in this one quickly and stopped watching after two minutes. you had cuts that interrupted dialogue, little or no continuity, i simply couldn't take it. sorry. i know you'll do better next time.

[Wraith]

Hey no need for apologies! I really appreciate the honesty. I can honestly say this wasn't our best effort and production wise it SHOULD have been a lot better. It really came down to time and patience, and as you can tell if we were running low on both. I blame myself for a lot of it too, certainly more than anyone else in the crew.

[Zak Forsman]

well, i'm genuinely looking forward to what you do next. :) thanks, Wraith!

[pauly_the_hitman]

I really kind of liked the idea it just didn't surprise we when we found out he was dead. And the compression really made it hard to watch. And maybe a little more rehearsal. But good job getting it done and submitted.

[alex whitmer]

SPOILERS BELOW


I knew a twist was coming. Maybe you could have played it up and have the mother or a friend answer and say they were both killed in an accident ... I don't know, something more profound.

Not being a techie-nerd, much of this went over my head, which is pretty easy to do, actually.

Dialogue delivery felt like they were reading que cards.

alex

[Wraith]

SPOILERS BELOW


What gives the twist away?

[krestofre]

You seemed to spend a lot of screen time on the technology surrounding the events of the film without really explaining the technology surrounding the events of the film. It was like from a structural standpoint you were placing great importance on that aspect, but from a story perspective you were saying that it really didn't matter. That confused me a bit.

Also, the acting at the end didn't work for me. The girlfriend didn't particularly sound upset, and the guys weren't particularly effects by the news.

[Horncastle]

You had the basic idea there for a story but, as I think you realize, that's about all. Zac mentioned continuity, but to be more specific, I think someone should point out about "crossing the line" - you had the red shirted guy on the left and then on the right continuously throughout the film. This disorientates the audience and, unless there's a very good reason for it, loses them very quickly. If you don't know about it I suggest you read up on it.

Don't get discouraged. Hey, you made a film, and that alone is 1000% further than most people get.

[Susanne G.]

You have the motivation to make a film and you made it - this want a lot of courage and you had this courage. Compliment! I learned that to make a film is a very complex subject. I started to read a very good filmmaking book where I can learn a lot of this subject. I like to recommend it to you: Michael Rabiger / Directing, Film Techniques and Aesthetics. I wish you all the best.

Susanne

[shucklak]

Hello all,
My name is Steve Glass and I was the director/writer for "Admonition" and I just wanted to say thanks for all the feedback. As you probably know just from watching the film (or from reading the posts) we are a very new crew to this kind of production. All of your input is so appreciated, as we will take it all into account for our next production.
Thanks again

[Matt Sconce]

Framing and camera placement and movement were an issue for me with this one. I think if the shots were tightened up and some lighting kits had cast a moody feel in the room, it may have felt more real. I liked the concept of the loop and like the surprise at the end. I did not see it coming. I agree about the acting being slightly flat at some points, but applaud the effort. Good job. Make more movies, grow and have fun!

[ConspiracyPenguin]

I don't usually comment on things like lighting and audio because I know budgets, etc can cause issues with that. The things I focus on are writing (story) and acting (probably because those are the two things I do) and also cinematography.

The shots were a little painful for me. Static camera can work for certain things but if you don't throw in a few dolly shots, etc you can loose the audience really fast if you don't have something else to keep them entertained...like a goo story. As far as that goes, it was alright. It started out a bit slow, but in the end really rounded off with the twist and somewhat bitter ending.

Other than that, be happy that you actually completed a film. I wasn't able to accomplish that this time around. Good luck!

[Mark T. Aro]

The critiques I have are really echoed in some of the previous posts. The biggest things I have to add are 1. Pacing. I say this a lot, but it can really kill your story when it is not paced well. the other major issue that I see is 2. Cutting or Camera placement. There are some great resources out there for learning how to frame and how you should cut. A good practical example of this in this FEST is A TIMELY END. If you watch (no pun intended) the scene with the young man and the antique dealer at the table, the cuts back and fourth at the are done really well and very professionally. So much that it really helps a rather slowly paced scene. If you are interested in a great resource for understanding the language of the camera and how to cut/shoot a scene, I found the following resource to be very helpful;

http://www.hollywoodcamerawork.us/index.html

The set is a little spendy, but well worth the cost.

I like your idea a lot, I think that it was real fun. Keep it up and hope to see more in the future.

[shucklak]

The amount of information everyone has contributed is overwhelming (in a good way!) I really can't wait until the next festival here so that we can apply all the tips and info everyone here has given into our next film.
That "Hollywood Camera Work" course looks really helpful. I wish I could buy one volume at a time though..

[Beat Takeshi]

I thought the idea of this was really good but it needed help in the acting dept. The girl at the end sounded pissed when she answered the phone and wouldn't she see the caller ID to show its his best friend? Also I thought that they were too young to be working on a project for 7 years. That would put them at like 13. Something to think about when casting a film. Also what Krestofre said about the technology.
I don't think you need to go spend bucks on that DVD because you can basically find scenes from hollywood movies that match the ones in your head and pick it apart to see what they do. I recently started to pay attention to movies that have less cuts and hang on the master shot most of the time. I may try that technique next time out instead of punching in to headshots during dialog all the time. Its needed for certain scenes but not for all. Good job and can't wait to see what you do with the new info.

[shucklak]

You might be surprised to know that the "girl" at the end on the phone was in fact, not a girl. It was Ed (the guy in the red shirt) using some digital voice modulators.

[Imaginate]

The best part of this story was the surprise ending. When we watched your film it gave us that little surprise and "oh" feeling. Thinking of the story with that ending in mind how could you make that news more shocking? Rather than hearing about all the technical stuff maybe you could have invested some of your time in showing us the relationship between that guy and his girl friend. What ever we show in our stories it should make the audience feel something about these characters.

keep up the good work. look forward to your next film!

[Danielleus]

Hey man,

Just caught the flick. I dig the story and the twist was nice. I think the pacing is way off, kinda slow, and that they were taking one beat and stretching it out over the time. But it was a valiant endeavor.

Can't wait to see what you do next.

[totitefilms]

I like the story. The ending is perfect. However, it was too slow to watch. If you somehow could speed it up then it would be perfect. The footage is kind of dark for me and some parts are noisy. I'm not sure if it's because of the compression or not. The resolution of the whole movie is also low which reduces the overall quality. Other than these glitches, your movie was actually nice to watch. You did great job.

[iSTy]

I liked the twist at the end, although not keen on the acting (better than some I've seen in the fest though). The background 'noise' didn't really do it for me either.

[Chuklz]

Congratulations on finishing. Its quite an accomplishment.

The first thing I'd like to suggest is that you study this concept here-
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/180_degree_rule

That should improve your next project a great deal.

Also when you point the camera at people, give them some nose room. Meaning if they are looking to the right... talking to someone on the right, there should be space to the right of them inside your frame. it will make things flow alot better.

SPOILER.


You had a cute idea, and I liked the twist. Honestly I thought he was setting up an alibai and was going to kill the red shirt geek but you want a little less sinister which was refreshing and nice.

[Mark Harris]

Yeah, nice idea in here. I particularly like the super-simple but very effective device of the cell phone into the future. When they had the first call between themselves, I thought: "that's an idea I wish I had had." So simple but so perfect.

And the twist is nice too.

Keep working on the skills, find people to team up with. Like I said, the ideas in here are good.

[shucklak]

It's little stuff like that "180 degree rule" I think that will really help us out. It's always the little stuff that ends up making a project 90% better. It's that last 10% that gets everyone stumped... I think that really applies to anything, not just film.

Sorry for the rambling, can't help it sometimes.

[Blaine]

Okay, that guitar strumming drove me to distraction, if it had gone on much longer you'd have lost me altogether.

"Tell me these last seven years might be paying off." What were they, like 12 when they started?

I thought the ending was definitely a nice twist.

[Edgen]

Writing as I watch….
Ok, so I didn’t’ write anything until the end. I think the film could still use a little work on the editing. You could probably chop this down to 3.5/4 minutes and still have the same impact. The heavy metal music at the beginning and end set a tone, but not the tone I was expecting. I think a few more seconds at the end could really bring in the impact, and a better VO of the GF could have been better executed. It felt as though she was reading from the script.

The actors.. eh. Not so much.
Camera work… I think you could have done so many more close ups and more interesting compositions of framing.

Keep at it steven and looking forward to your next film.
Congrats on entering

[shucklak]

As the fest here comes to an end I would just like to thank everyone who posted here and commented on our film. I can't wait to start working on the next fest.
Also, congrats to all the finalists.