need some input please

[rafikiwilliams]

NEW LINK

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bTd6la3WN0



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so i jumped into commercial video for the first time. low pay, but good experience...

started editing and need some input

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7h6zBYBE_Q
(http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n7h6zBYBE_Q)

any critiques you have would be greatly appreciated!

and also the voice over is a scratch track, im still waiting for the professional one.


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original thread http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/showthread.php?t=124197

[Vidular]

Saw this in the Cinematography section I think. I like what you did. The soundtrack works well and rhythm of narration seems good. A few suggestions, and I am no expert in this so take it with a grain of salt. The first few shots look to have a shallow DOF where as the remainder look like a wide DOF, as if you jumped between two different cameras and lighting which was distracting. You might want to try and match them a little more in post. The way you split the frame into two or three consecutive panels looks good. However they are all motion video. Maybe try freezing on a frame in each panel as you add panels - like a succession of still shots maybe even add a faint camera click sound effect. Seems to need a visual for the ending, maybe you have event information to display. In keeping with the panel effect you might consider still shots (freeze frames) for each designer in a grid pattern or something like that. Good luck, you are getting good experience doing this.

[rafikiwilliams]

thanks for the input! i like the idea of still frames.

as for the two differnt looks through out the commercial, they are same camera, just different looks in post. which one in your opinion looks better, the shallow or wide?

as for the end i like your idea of still frames, and yes ill also be showing event info

[ST_]

first up it was pretty good, very nice work. I have some suggestions:

- The first cut is a bit akward, its very 'jump' cutty. Maybe extend the first shot and remove the second shot. (Maybe a title "LA Fashion week and gold glittery effect font" could be the first shot- check out FTV if you have it?)

- at the 12-14 second marks, there seems to be a lot of cutting, maybe not cut on every beat of the song and let the models play out, that way there is more focus on the subject, not the song.

- i understand you dont have the final track, but when you do are you putting any titles in? maybe at the end when he says the phone number, have the text of the numbers on screen. and the website..

- maybe titles throughout with the names of all the designers?.. just a thought, though it may not work..

it would be great to see it when its finished, please post it when it is!!

[ST_]

sorry if i overlapped Vidular (http://www.dvxuser.com/V6/member.php?u=24475) vbmenu_register("postmenu_1191999", true); 's post. i didnt read his so i would have a fresh mind. :)

[rafikiwilliams]

ok here it is

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5bTd6la3WN0

[milksac]

Is this for broadcast or the internet?
Some of your graphics are outside of title safe.

[rafikiwilliams]

yea i realized that once i put i on dvd, but i changed it up

[ST_]

the link is offline, can you put it on again?

[ST_]

link still down!! :(

[thematthewbone]

yeah the links dead.