Second Chance - by Darrell Ah Yong

[insomnia]

I have wanted to join this group for a long time and I finally decided to get off my butt and put together a submission for Lovefest. I am almost finished it, thanks in large part to my buddy Dudley who is working on his submission Wish. I am really looking forward to seeing all of the submissions in the coming weeks. Good luck to everyone.

[insomnia]

blank - reserved for updates

[insomnia]

screen caps from the short

[insomnia]

blank2 - reserved for updates

[Luis Caffesse]

Very cool.
Welcome to the club.
:thumbsup:

[tmnt]

Good luck. Now post some grabs!

[Marlon Ladd]

Yep, good luck.

[artofsuntzu]

Congratulations on completing your edit. Good luck, dude.

(thought of reshooting any shots with the Hawaiian locations available to you now?)

[Ted Arabian]

Good for you! Best of luck on your film.

NOW FILL UP THOSE BLANK RESERVED POSTS!!! :grin:

[mentatDUKE]

Welcome and good luck.

[insomnia]

Thanks for the welcome. Good luck to all of you as well. Can hardly wait to see all the entries.

[Zak Forsman]

care to share some screenshots?

[insomnia]

I am going to try and post some screenshots over the next day or so. I was having so much trouble doing the compression I wasn't even sure if I was going to be able to make it on time. I just uploaded my short so hopefully there is not going to be any problems with it. From looking at the threads it seems like alot of us had similar problems. Shots will be coming - again sorry for the delay.

[Anthony Pierce]

Wish you the best.

[Ted Arabian]

Hey Insomnia.... checked out your film!

I loved your story idea and the twist involved. It is always nice to see someone's life get turned around.

However, I have some comments that may not be so pleasant to hear. Hopefully you made and entered this film with the expectation of receiving feedback and growing as a filmmaker.

First of all, your location is way too clean for a homeless man. That wall is pristine! I wish that my walls were that clean. So much more could have been done for set dressing. I just did not feel like the guy was making a home there.

Secondly, the actors (particularly the guy), need to have some serious acting chops with a piece like this. Seriously... you must realize when you attempt a story like this that you are going to need some actors who can command the screen!

Finally, the black and white footage didn't work for me. Maybe if the blacks were crushed or something. It was just to stark for me.

I feel that there was a lot of work put into this film and I am sorry that (for me) it didn't quite deliver.

There were some nice things going on here. The shadow of the woman on the wall over the guy. I liked that, though I did want a cut to her face sooner. The pendant shot. Nice. The shot of the friend coming into frame.... Again, nice frame.

A real challenging film you attempted. Good for you!

I look forward to seeing what you do next time.

Best,
Ted

[insomnia]

Hi Ted - thanks for the feedback. Yes I was hoping to receive feedback - only way to get better. I agree with all of your production comments and then some - I also thought my audio really needed some work as well. I put this short togeather really fast and at the last minute as I was only in town (Richmond) for 2 weeks over Christmas. I met the guy a couple of days before the shoot. I saw a picture of the woman, but did not meet with her until the day of the actual shoot. As for the location - I found it a few days before the shoot and there was snow on the ground on that day. Actually I am amazed that it turned out at all. All the filming was done in one day from 10:00 in the morning to about 5:00 at night. Actually I had a great time with all of my production problems - just made it seem more real for my first short. Yeah next time I am going to have to do a lot more planning up front to really get what I am looking for. Interesting comment on the black and white - I will have to look at trying that next time. Looking forward to seeing your as well.

Thanks,
Darrell

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

I'll be watching soon and posting feedback as well....

[Michael Anthony Horrigan]

Alright....

To be honest... the acting hurt this one. The female lead was not too bad and the story idea was very good. If you had some better acting and changed up your shots a bit... this could have been very good. More shots... more angles.

The music also really hurt this one.

Keep going though... I see a lot of potential here.

[Gohanto]

Hey, someone else used a homeless man for the main character as well? Cool.

I liked the idea you had here, but it was a little cliche and there wasn't anything really unique about it. A shot or two was nice, but I think you really could've done more. Find locations that really sell the grimy location of the homeless. Granted, that also leads to seeing real homeless people while your shooting as happened on my shoot, but it also meant they were authentic locations.

Acting was very difficult here and sadly the actors cast weren't quite up to where they needed to be. There were several nice shots though and you have a good grasp of the basics. Look forward to seeing what you do in the future.

[Chris Messineo]

Congratulations on completing your first DVXuser Fest entry.

This story is nice, but I think it's a little too on the nose. Your actors wear all their emotions on the outside. I think if you start to play with subtext a little bit, you'll find your stories will have a lot more depth and emotion.

[insomnia]

Hey everyone thanks for the feedback. I have to say that the learning curve on this one was steep and there is alot I want to try, change, and improve on in the next one. All of your suggestions are really helpful.

[kurtmo]

I liked the transition from color to B&W. I thought that helped tell the story. I also liked the close ups on the pendant dropping and the shift in focus to the lead. But the story was predictable and the dialog was a bit forced. And it didn’t feel like the music carried the same emotion that the story had.

[Brian Parker]

I agree with the others that there's a lot of potential here. You seem to have a grasp of some key fundamentals so you can keep building up from there. Everybody pretty much covered the issues that I had with the film but keep 'em comin'.

[mentatDUKE]

Cool ideas in this one. The theme of redemption is prevalent throughout this. The last shot was pretty funny also.

Keep making films.

[jojopop]

I really liked the concept, although overall execution didn't do it for me. I watched this one with a friend of mine who felt the same and was also very excited about the concept -- definitely something you could revisit!

[insomnia]

Cool ideas in this one. The theme of redemption is prevalent throughout this. The last shot was pretty funny also.

Keep making films.

Thanks for watching my short. When I was editing the last shot I couldn't help laughing every time I saw it - bit of a dvxuser inside joke. Surprisingly I never did get board of it all through editing. It still makes me laugh.

[insomnia]

I really liked the concept, although overall execution didn't do it for me. I watched this one with a friend of mine who felt the same and was also very excited about the concept -- definitely something you could revisit!

Thanks for watching my short. I actually based this story on a dream that I had. The sequence of events was the same, not including the last shot, but the content was very different - still dealt with loss though. Yeah, the execution definitly needs some work and I am keeping all of the suggestions that I have received in the front of my mind for the next festival.

[insomnia]

I liked the transition from color to B&W. I thought that helped tell the story. I also liked the close ups on the pendant dropping and the shift in focus to the lead. But the story was predictable and the dialog was a bit forced. And it didn’t feel like the music carried the same emotion that the story had.

I am happy to hear that the B&W worked for you. I wasn't sure how that would come across as it occupies a large part of the short. The pendant shots were really key to linking my story togeather so I am pleased that the shots made an impressions. Yeah the story was a bit predictable. Seemed more dramatic and unexpected when I first thought about it, but my execution probably took away from it abit. I had real problems with finding the right music. I have considered making my next short around a music piece instead of finding a royalty free piece that matches what I am trying to do.

[Luis Caffesse]

Interesting story idea - I haven't read your thread yet... so I don't know what others have said - but here are my thoughts:

Okay, first off - the last shot was pretty funny.
Not sure that it fit the mood of the piece you had going...but that was really funny to me.

Interesting story.
I would have liked to have seen a little more at the start before you go to B&W.
The transition seemed awfully quick - we were only 9 seconds in before you faded out and came back into the B&W.

Overall, while I liked the story, I felt the dialogue was a bit too telling - and I could see where it was going from the moment she spoke her first line. I think if the pace were picked up a bit and the dialogue were a little more sparce that it would have helped keep me on the hook for longer.

Your shots seem solid - compositions looked good, as did the coverage, and the edit in their dialoge was smooth.
I wasn't really aware of the cuts - so that's a good thing.
:)


Looking foward to checking out more from you in the next fest.

[insomnia]

Thanks for watching my short. I agree that the start was pretty quick. I had initally planned on having a much longer lead in, but I had to cut about 1.5 minutes off - almost all from the beginning to fit the story into the 6 minute time frame. I looked at cutting other scenes, but as my short is mostly a dialogue cutting any of the dialogue would mess up the flow - something I am going to have to plan better to counteract in my next short. I also agree that the dialogue was pretty telling and I plan on using more subtle inferences and images to tell the story next time. I am so greatful for all of the critique that I have received so far. It really helps me identify what worked well and not so well for you all. This site is awesome.


Interesting story idea - I haven't read your thread yet... so I don't know what others have said - but here are my thoughts:

Okay, first off - the last shot was pretty funny.
Not sure that it fit the mood of the piece you had going...but that was really funny to me.

Interesting story.
I would have liked to have seen a little more at the start before you go to B&W.
The transition seemed awfully quick - we were only 9 seconds in before you faded out and came back into the B&W.

Overall, while I liked the story, I felt the dialogue was a bit too telling - and I could see where it was going from the moment she spoke her first line. I think if the pace were picked up a bit and the dialogue were a little more sparce that it would have helped keep me on the hook for longer.

Your shots seem solid - compositions looked good, as did the coverage, and the edit in their dialoge was smooth.
I wasn't really aware of the cuts - so that's a good thing.
:)


Looking foward to checking out more from you in the next fest.