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View Full Version : Fifth Commandment...........JVI97



jvi97
10-30-2007, 10:05 PM
First Time having a film here, so be gentle......ah on second thought bring it on. Hope you enjoy it.
-Jeff:Drogar-BigGrin(DBG)


http://www.dvxfest.com/allhallowsfest/loader.php?id=20480

jvi97
10-31-2007, 05:17 PM
wow....Jeff you did an outstanding job, can't wait for the next fest!

Michael Anthony Horrigan
10-31-2007, 05:36 PM
I probably wouldn't have got it without the help of your synopsis. The sound was a little sketchy at times, especially using headphones. Other times it was quite good.

The music in the beginning didn't really seem to fit and the editing was a little jarring at times.

All that said, I really started to feel for the guy and get into the madness. You did a pretty good job of doing that.

Great first entry, no doubt.

Keep it up.

Mike

mentatDUKE
11-01-2007, 07:24 PM
I thought this was interesting. Didn't really see the ending coming.

Luis Caffesse
11-02-2007, 01:27 PM
Just watched this...

I have to be honest, I didn't really understand what was going on until about halfway through the short... I feel like it needed more setup. But its an interesting concept... I just wish you'd set up more of a scene between all the guys, instead of the montage style you went with. Also the acting didn't really hold up - I didn't believe the guys that were keeping him captive...no one really sounded that worked up at all. I'm not saying they all needed to be screaming, but I just wasn't feeling any emotion coming through.

Though I will give you this, I didn't see the ending coming - suprisingly I didn't see it coming at all.
Overall - good concept, good story - just needed a bit more setup for me (I realize its tough to get this all in under 5min).

One last thing - and I hate being the first guy to mention this....
Your title reads "Fith Commandment"
:)

jvi97
11-02-2007, 03:48 PM
yeah...filmed and edited within 7hours. Noticed that after I sent it off, thats for noticing. LOL

Luis Caffesse
11-02-2007, 04:19 PM
yeah...filmed and edited within 7hours.

Woah.
That's impressive!
:thumbsup:

(sorry for the title thing, I guess I should have kept it to myself)

Justin Kuhn
11-04-2007, 07:29 PM
The torture sequence seemed to go on and on. I couldn't tell who was supposed to be talking at time, but given the ending I guess that works. The ending came off as maybe a bit cliche, as much as I love Fight Club. The amount of time you spent on the wine was a bit much, but apparently he really loves his wine, so that's ok.

Couple of things I gotta give you props for: the dolly back with the car. That was pretty cool. The shot that whirled around the actor was also sweet. Seems like I saw a rig for a flying rope camera that gave this result, did you see/post that thread? Good job, looking forward to what you do next fest.

J.R. Hudson
11-05-2007, 08:14 AM
I admit when the stereo went on and the music started playing, I was getting it and the line 'Effin Trick Or Treaters' made me laugh ...

But then ...

We go into the scene of torture and I just skipped ahead and tuned out. Not too much to mention that merits worthiness for me. The basic of the basics entry-level filmmaking.

cinealma
11-05-2007, 11:50 AM
REVIEW:
So, first off, kudos to you for getting a film into the fest, even if it was at last hour. I'll get on my soapbox for a minute and tell you that making statements like "filmed and edited in 7 hours", unless you just made the most incredible thing ever and that's a selling point, really are not necessary. There's no excuses, here. Your film is what it is whether you spent months or hours. You thought enough of it to submit it for viewing, don't sell it short by cutting it slack.

Ok, anyway, not too bad for your first entry. I've seen a LOT worse than this one. Familiar theme and style, but there was some good things to take away from this one. Good job and thanks for sharing.

FILMMAKER-TO-FILMMAKER:
Definitely some audio problems/issues. This was one of those rare five minute films that just seemed to go on too long. A few story hiccups as far as common sensiscal motiviations/actions, but I like that you took the story in a different direction by adding a little curve to it. The fog was a little dense and hard to see through at times, but, well, now you know for next time.

Anyway, now that you shook the cobwebs off, I look forward to you raising the bar for the next fest.

Cheers!

jvi97
11-05-2007, 12:41 PM
John,
Thanks, I'll take your advise to heart. You defiantly have more respect for film makers when you try a five minute film. Can't wait for the following contests. Take care.

J.R. Hudson
11-05-2007, 02:04 PM
Yes jvi97 !

I hope everyone takes something from this expereince and hopefully strives for growth no matter the subjective lather thrown on the films.

andoguru
11-07-2007, 08:35 PM
Hey JVI97,

I thought the story was pretty good. This definitely could have been less then 5 minutes...maybe even like 3minutes. The scene you want to get to quick is the scene in the garage. You probably could have gotten there by the 30secs in because that is where the interesting stuff happens.

You did a pretty good job making the transition to being crazy and I like the whole twist at the end.

A lot of times, filmmakers that enter a 5min or less contest think they need to take up the entire 5 minutes when the real barometer needs to be how long will it take to tell my story. Get in, say what you got to say and get out.

I think you probably could reedit this a lot tighter and have it be more effective. The music was kinda overbearing most of the time, but all the voices were pretty good and would work with some tweaking.

Good job on your first entry. You got a good story and that is the hard part.

Laters,
Ando

jvi97
11-09-2007, 08:30 AM
Just wanted to let you all know I would understand if my film ended up somewhere in your top three vote. I wouldn't hold it against anyone who voted for "Fifth Commandment" nor would I hold a grudge if you liked my film more than others. Thanks for the time.

-Jeff
:thumbsup: